If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
