Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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