Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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