okay pat passed out under dana's car
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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