it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
