I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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