so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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