Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
