if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
