I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
