it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize