My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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