Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
