I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
