She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
