I cannot find my penis.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
