Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
