Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
