went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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