Swine flu. Run for my life!
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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