too bad you live with your parents still
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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