Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize