I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
