well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
