I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Randomize
