a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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