he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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