He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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