Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
