wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
