Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
