Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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