i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
it's like iHOP with fire
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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