im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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