I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
