From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
