i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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