There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
