SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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