in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
