Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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