so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
