dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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