Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
