I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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