it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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