I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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