mondays should just be called national damage control day
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
