i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
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