My friends, they love my intelligence
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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