I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
