i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
