Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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