I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
