Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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