I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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