Umm I'm too high to move.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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