I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dignity is for republicans.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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