So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i drank out of a bidet.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Randomize
