i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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