So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
