I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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