So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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