I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
How's work?
Spinning.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
