Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
