Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
