She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
